Destress The Holidays

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Many of us relate to the holidays as stressful or even depressing. We all wish it could be happier and more peaceful. How can we possibly make that happen?

Well, think about it. What is the polar opposite of stress?

The answer, of course, is peace. What a revelation, since peace is the reason for the season. Every major religion has a holy day or week or month each year that’s intended to help people realize the enormous worth of inner peace. Thanksgiving through New Year’s is the time in America when we celebrate peace – at least in theory. It’s the time of year we’re encouraged to remember that peace on earth begins with peace in our own hearts.

So, the cure to holiday stress is simple. Make the holidays about the one thing it’s meant to be about. Make it about being at peace and nothing else. Make peace the most important thing you do every day this holiday season. My newsletter this month is an invitation to all of us to move peace from a theory that’s proven wrong during the holidays to a practice that pursues the goal of realizing peace, regardless of how anyone else behaves.

Happily, peace is not hard; stress is hard. Peace couldn’t be simpler.

Below are ten simple conditions for attaining peace. Remember them and practice doing what they prescribe. Not once, but often; every day, throughout the day. You don’t have to do them all. Look them over and choose one or two or a few that speak to you and make it your practice. You can connect back to your practice whenever you mess up. And you will mess up. But if you practice, things will get easier. Even a little practice can switch the brain’s mood set point to positive, which opens your heart. As a result, your holiday experience will be a happy one, even when someone you love gets weird.

The Conditions for a Stress-Free Holiday Season

1. Peace is quiet, so start each day this season in quiet. Each morning, practice setting a peaceful day in motion first thing.

  • Close your eyes or take a downward gaze. Tilt your head toward your heart. Follow your breathing.
  • Feel each breath softening your heart and opening it wider.
  • Feel appreciation for the gift of another day of life. There’s no guarantee you’ll get another day, so appreciate it. Also feel gratitude for another day to be with those you love. Set your intention to have a great day, filled with achieving things and with learning to choose to be peaceful inside, regardless of what is happening outside.

2. Peace is rejuvenating, so take breaks and catch your breath.

  • During the day, every couple of hours, step away from the hustle and bustle and look out the window for a few minutes and let your mind go completely.
  • Observe what the sky is doing.
  • Watch the wind blow, the sun shine, or the snow fall. Allow yourself to feel connected to life.

3. Peace is grateful. So, once a week, before going to sleep, count your blessings.

  • Name three things that happened this week for which you are grateful.
  • Then name three aspects of your life, generally, for which you feel blessed.

4. Peace is spacious. Every now and then, take a time-out to open your mind a little wider:

  • Tell yourself: Please, mind, go a little slower. Don’t be so nervous. Don’t be so negative. Open a little wider.
  • Practice thinking less and loving more.
  • Tell yourself and often that everything is going to be alright.
  • Then go out into the world and smell the roses (or the holly). Hug the people you love. Watch children play. Focus attention on this moment, right here, right now and let life surprise you.

5. Peace is forgiving. Not 50 percent but 100 percent forgiving.

  • So forgive the past. Forgive everyone, including yourself.
  • Forgive every bad thing that has happened, is happening now, and is sure to happen again.
  • Forgive the past so completely that you can hardly see it.

6. Peace is intelligent. It finds the middle ground. Its approach to life is balanced.

  • Peace doesn’t eat too much or spend too much or withhold too much.
  • Peace doesn’t argue, defend or complain.
  • It changes the things it can change, accepts the things it can’t change, and it can tell the difference between the two.
  • Peace is not co-dependent. It’s no one’s fool and no one’s doormat. It’s smart enough to walk away from dysfunction and stand out of harm’s way.

7. Peace is self-confident.

  • So don’t worry about anything.
  • Vow that during the holidays you will practice not worrying.

8. Peace is compassionate, so don’t judge.

  • Don’t judge yourself when you slip up, become stressed or behave badly.
  • The same goes for other people’s nonsense and mistakes.
  • Let it all go and start over, choosing again to be at peace.

9. Peace is adaptable. If you are not at peace and peace of mind feels a thousand miles away, use the back door. Be at peace with your non-peace.

10. Peace has faith. There is no degree of stress in any situation that faith cannot remove. Often the problem in life is not the situation we face but the lack of faith with which we face it.

It’s a no brainer. You will have a happier, less stressful holiday if you commit to practicing even three of the above. The better angels of your nature will come out and create a holiday to remember.

 

 

 

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Increasing the Intelligence that Predicts Your Success

There are different types of intelligence that human beings possess, but “fluid intelligence” is the one that predicts success in business and academics, when a person tests high in it.

Fluid intelligence is your capacity to solve novel problems, learn from experience, reason things out accurately, detect errors, connect the dots, and to get to the heart of the matter quickly.

Who wouldn’t want to increase their measure of that kind of intelligence?

Well, there is new evidence that suggests you can. Science once believed that fluid intelligence was inherited and couldn’t be increased, but  mounting evidence has caused some in science to reconsider.

The evidence indicates that you can raise your fluid intelligence by playing a specially designed computer game called the N-back game for 15 – 25 minutes a day, five days a week.  It’s found to improve scores on tests of fluid intelligence in as little as four weeks.

One version of the game is accessible for free on the internet at http://cognitivefun.net/test/4

Here’s how the test works: Every few seconds, a cartoon like image (a cat, a fish, a baseball, etc.) appears on screen and then moves to the next image.  You click on the current image whenever it repeats what you saw 2 picture ago.  If you get to Level 3, you click when the current picture repeats what you saw 3 pictures ago, and so on, up through higher levels of difficulty.  It sounds simple and it is, but deceptively so.

Take note: not everyone agrees that the N-back test works in raising fluid intelligence. Randall Engle, a respected intelligence researcher at Georgia Tech doesn’t think so. He said in a  New York Times article on intelligence, “There have been hundreds of other attempts to increase intelligence over the years, with little or no — just no — success.”  However, Silvia Bunge of the University of California, Berkeley would beg to differ. Using an array of cognitive games with inner city kids, she  reported a 10 point increase on nonverbal I.Q. test scores.  It would seem the evidence is mounting.

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The Most Important Breakthrough in Our Understanding of the Brain in Four Hundred Years

One of the great scientific discoveries in the last twenty years is something called neuroplasticity.  Norman Doige of the Research Faculty at Columbia University said: Neuroplasticity is the most important breakthrough in our understanding of the brain in four hundred years.

Neuroplasticity is the discovery that the brain can change itself to expand and reorganize networks that make us smarter, happier, healthier and more successful in life. It’s what Aristotle defined as The Good Life.  These positive results are produced by positive neuroplasticity. Positive neuroplasticity builds the brain that delivers The Good Life. 

Positive neuroplasticity can even be facilitated within a company, taking the company from the proverbial good to great.  It does this by tapping more of the collective brain power that years of stress have eroded. The level of emotional and creative intelligence, individually and collectively, can actually lift from average to exceptional and in a relatively short period of time.  This is why positive neuroplasticity is seen as the new competitive edge.

It Couldn’t Be Simpler

Attaining the Good Life takes a great brain and it turns out that building a great brain is achieved through simple means, constituting a kind of effortless effort.  Initially, the biggest struggle for people is getting free of struggle. Most of us have been trained to put our nose to the grindstone. The new research points us in the opposite direction.

I spent several years in a think tank, investigating proven processes that facilitate positive neuroplasticity and often I was astounded by how simple it is to facilitate this exponential gain in brain power. Below are three examples, all of which I recommend you practice on yourself:

Example#1: Rewiring to End Stress

Rewiring your brain to transcend stress involves practicing a simple skill that requires less than 20 seconds to perform. The skill entails heightening your awareness, day to day, of all the stress-provoking thoughts and feelings your mind generates and indulges. Practice not believing these thoughts and it creates a condition within the brain for stimulating the growth of GABA fibers. These fibers extend down from the prefrontal cortex to the lower brain and they secrete a peptide that extinguishes stress reactions.[1] Through awareness, you direct your brain to modulate intense emotions.  In response, your brain literally mobilizes the prefrontal cortex to stimulate GABA fibers that force the stress response system to stand down.  Fight, flight and freeze are summarily circumvented.  It’s one way of  curing anxiety, stress and aggression. Neuropsychiatrist, Daniel Siegel of UCLA, is using this type of positive neuroplasticity to quell bullying on school playgrounds.[2]

Example#2: Rewiring for Creativity

Science is discovering that the creative power inside the human brain is not only vaster than we can imagine; it’s much easier to access than we used to believe. Creative insight is generated in a region of the brain called the anterior superior temporal gyrus, which is on the surface of the right brain, just above your ear. The research of Mark Beeman at Northwestern found that the sudden onset of creative insight is preceded by a sudden burst of brain activity in this region.[3] This burst sets in motion a steady rhythm of alpha wave activity in the right hemisphere. The peace and quiet alpha waves produce in your brain enables a multitude of networks to communicate with one another. The best and brightest parts of your brain pull together to intuit the right answer to your problem. There are two tell-tale characteristics to a surge of creative insight.

  • The first characteristic is that the insight seems to come from out of the blue.  The truth is, the insight was a result of you getting out of the way so the higher brain could get its best players on the field.
  • The second characteristic is that you know that the answer the insight delivers is the right answer.  People don’t even bother to check the details.  They know to the bottom of their socks that the insight hits the bull’s eyes.

The alpha waves that open the door for the creative brain to step-in occur when you let go and relax. Most people experience a creative insight when they’re taking a warm shower.  Simply taking short breaks two or three times a day will stimulate your anterior superior temporal gyrus to make you the most creative person at work.  For this very reason, breaks are mandatory at the 3M Company.  They claim it’s what made them the most innovative company in the history of capitalism.  Any kind of relaxing break from the grind serves to excite creativity. Dr. Beeman found that getting people to laugh and relax by watching a comic like Robin Williams increased their creative capacity by 25%.[4]

Example#3: Rewiring for Willpower

We all know that it requires will power to achieve long term objectives, be it a strategic plan, losing weight, or learning to play the piano.  Willpower begins in a willingness to do what it takes to reach the summit. Researcher Ibrahim Senay of the University of Illinois investigated willingness to see how it plays out in our attempt to motivate and direct ourselves to the finish line.[5]  What he found is astounding.

Senay found that the achievements of those whose willpower followed the path of least resistance significantly exceeded the achievements of those who pushed hard. It relates back to the research on creativity.  Less is more.  In terms of willpower and willingness, success boils down to something specific but quite simple: it’s the way self-talk propels or derails the effort.

The people who pushed themselves and underachieved approached their objective by asserting: I will do this! This led to feeling pressured to succeed.  They worried that if they failed, they’d feel ashamed and inept and others would judge them. Their anxiety produced negative self-talk and this affects the brain. It activates the stress response system, which douses the brain with stress hormones. Stress hormones retard higher brain function and positive emotion. As a result, people are more likely to perform poorly. As they ruminate more and more, the steady flow of stress hormones lock the brain into doing the same unsuccessful behavior over and over, rendering them incapable of finding a new, more engaging, and more successful approach. Eventually, they give up.

The people who succeeded took the path of least resistance.  They approached their objective by wondering instead of asserting.   Each time they focused on the challenge, they quietly inquired of  themselves : Will I do this?  Senay defined this way of relating to the challenge as “wondering mode.”  On the surface, the difference between I will! and Will I? may seem subtle but it led to a huge difference in the result.  Senay reported that the people who asked Will I? expressed a much greater commitment to their objective.  The nature of the question – will I do this – circumvented the pressure and anxiety. They were free to choose. As a result, their attitude didn’t become fixed.  Rather, they lived in the possibility of the positive change they wanted, were more able to inspire themselves, and kept a flexible, open mind about how their goal could be achieved.  It made the process intrinsically motivating.

This is a Good Place to Start

There are more examples but this is a good place to start. Begin your neuroplastic journey to the Good Life by practicing all three approaches to brain power and see who you become.


[1] Daniel Seigel, M.D., Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation, 2010, Random House, New York pg. 100

[2] Dan Siegel Interview, “The Neurospsychology of the Playground,” Salon, June 24, 2002, http://www.salon.com/2003/06/24/siegel_2/

 [3] Bowden, E.M. & Jung-Beeman, M. (2003) Aha! Insight experience correlates with solution activation in the right hemisphere . Psychonomic Bulletin & Review, 10, 730-737.

[4] Subramaniam, K., Kounios, J., Bowden, E.M., Parrish, T.B., & Jung-Beeman, M. (2009).   Positive mood and anxiety modulate anterior cingulate activity and cognitive preparation for insight. Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience, 21, 415-432.

[5] Ibrahim Senay, Dolores Albarracín, Kenji Noguchi, Motivating Goal-Directed Behavior Through Introspective Self-Talk, The Role of the Interrogative Form of Simple Future Tense, Apr 8, 2010, Journal of Psychological Science

 

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The Solution to Stress (that goes far beyond stress reduction)

There is a solution to stress that takes people far beyond anything stress management can achieve.  The solution is neuroplasticity.

Stress management focuses on changing your behavior; neuroplasticity focuses on changing your brain.

The problem with behavioral change is that stress-provoking behaviors are often hard wired into your brain. These networks fire at a rate faster than you can catch. It’s the brain directing you.

Neuroplasticity is you directing your brain to rewire through a specific shift in attitude that literally switches the brain’s auto-pilot from one that habituates stress and anxiety to one that sustains a dynamic state of peace.

Neurologically, ‘peace’ represents neural networks wiring and working together to sustain the proverbial calm under siege that enables you to see a problem fearlessly, analyze it intelligently, engage it creatively, and make the best decision.

Neuroplasticity expands higher brain structure (it’s called axonal sprouting) to sustain a high level of cognitive performance, emotional stability and interpersonal strength.   It can lift intelligence from average to exception and enable a person to be more creative.

Stress, on the other hand, shrinks higher brain structure (it’s called synaptic pruning), limiting the capacity to excel.

The Harris Poll says stress is a big time workplace problem

Harris Poll’s 2012 Work Stress Survey found that 73% of the one thousand respondents were stressed by at least one thing at work.  That’s bad news for companies.  Last year U.S. businesses lost a whopping 13.4 million days of worker productivity (Healthand Safety Executive report, 2005). Stress lessens job satisfaction (Belicki & Woolcott, 1996), makes people seriously ill and is estimated to reduce the bottom-line by a third of a trillion dollars nationwide (American Institute of Stress, 2011).

Stress represents an enormous waste of brain power

These are large issues, but they are only the tip of an iceberg. Stress debilitates the higher brain function that can elevate a person from average to exceptional intelligence to sustain creative insight and peak performance.  This represents enormous potential that goes unrealized within most companies.

The neurobiology of stress

All these problems have to do with the way stress hormones impair higher brain function.  Here’s the neurobiology of stress in a nutshell:

  • Stress hormones shrink the higher brain networks that enable a person to make the leap from average to exceptional intelligence and sustain it.
  • Expand primitive networks that lock people into fight,  flight or freeze,
  • Switch the emotional set point to negative,
  • Impair the immune system,
  • Kill brain cells,
  • and eventually kill us.

Human Resource departments recruit the best brains and then drop them into a stress filled workforce that shrinks brain capacity. Imagine recouping that brain power by teaching your workforce how to transcend stress.

Mayo Clinic

Here’s the message companies are slow to get: Stress is not something a company should someday do something about.  Companies need to attend to it today.

How?  If stress is a problem it has to do with the way genetics and a difficult past wired the brain for a hyperactive stress response.  The brain can rewire to quiet stress reactions and amplify the emotional and creative intelligence to succeed.  It’s achieved and strengthened by learning and then practicing simple processes for dispelling worries, refuting anxiety-provoking thoughts, having faith in your strengths, trusting the process as it unfolds,  listening better, judging less, forgiving more and cultivating compassion.

Practiced in the boot camp of everyday life, these qualities form into an attitude that within weeks becomes ‘neuroplastic.’  Meaning it rebuilds your brain to provide the means to an intrinsically rewarding and successful life.

Train your mind, change your brain.

It’s the new competitive edge.  Everything else is just another best practice.

Source for 2012 Work Stress Survey : Perman, C., Stress a big-time workplace malady. NBC News, 2012, August 15

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85% of What We Worry About Never Happens

Mark Twain said: My life has been filled with calamities, some of which actually happened.  There seems to be nothing more fictitious than the worry that goes on in our heads.  Now there’s a study that proves it.   Researchers at the University of Cincinnati found that eight-five percent (yes - 85%) of what we worry about never happens Moreover, the study found that 79% of us handle the 15% that does happen in ways that surprise us with our ability to turn the situation around. [i]

We laugh at Mark Twain’s comment because we can see ourselves in it.  But worry is no joke.  It causes serious problems.   The stress reactions worry excites flood the brain with stress hormones.  This makes us prone to disease and emotional problems.  Stress hormones also debilitate higher brain function, dampening memory, the capacity to learn and the ability to sustain peak performance.  Seniors who worry are twice as likely to develop dementia. Worry is also the threshold to clinical depression.

My friend Martha was once asked to help out an elderly woman she didn’t know by driving her to a doctor’s appointment.  The woman was described to Martha as very elderly, nearly ninety years old.  When Martha met the woman, she was surprised to find that she was not as elderly as she expected. At most, she looked to be in her mid- seventies.

“Do you mind me asking how old you are?” Martha asked on the drive to the doctor.

“Ninety-three,” the woman answered.

Martha was astonished. “You look so much younger,” she said. “What’s your secret?”

“Well, honey,” she answered, “Twenty-three years ago I made the decision to stop worrying and I havn’t wasted a moment on worry since.”

Martha said her mind was sharp and she was joy to spend time with.  Her decision made her younger at every level.  Think of all the energy she gained through her decision not to worry.  Think of all the anxiety she spared herself, all the needless stress she avoided.  It showed on her face and in her attitude.

It’s possible to make this same choice to let go of worry and gradually move past it altogether.   You can rewire your brain to quiet the worry circuit.  A tool as simple as The Clear Button can get you started.  Here’s how it works.

The Clear Button

  • Imagine there is a button at the center of your palm that’s connected directly to your brain.  This is the Clear Button. When you push it, it sends a signal that stops worried, stressful thinking.
  • So let’s role play it.  See yourself as anxious and beginning to spin a worried, pessimistic yarn that could easily proliferate into catastrophic thinking.
  • Then you remember the Clear Button. You hold your left hand in front of you, palm facing you. You press the button at the center of your palm and keep pressing it.  As you do this, imagine an electrical signal travels to the lower brain and quiets the negative, worried chatter.
  • Next, you become aware of your breath and you count to three, seeing each number as a color.
  1. Take a breath, count “1,” and see the number as red,
  2. Take a  second breath, count “2,” and see it as blue,
  3. Take a third breath, count “3,” and see it as green.
  • As you exhale on the final breath, you come into the present moment, right here, right now, and you relax, letting go completely. Quietly, re-engage with the situation and consciously choose to be at peace.

The part of the primitive brain in charge of stress reactions is fully developed in a human being at age two. The intelligence of the primitive brain is at the level of a two year old.  When a worried person frets and ruminates over the smallest matter, we often say they’re acting like a two-year-old.  That description is not far from the truth. Neurologically, this is the system that’s in charge.  You don’t use logic or reason on a two year old.  You distract them.  Counting to “3” and seeing the numbers as colors is a form of distraction.

Here’s the benefit: When we’re worried or under stress, all we see are problems. But once we’ve quieted the brain, control will shift from the lower to the higher brain where creative intelligence kicks in.  We start to see solutions.  This simple tool is a powerful first step in rewiring the brain to extinguish worry at the point of inception.

[i] Matthews, G., & Wells, A. (2000).  Attention, automaticity, and affective disorder.  Behavior modification, 24, 69-93

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